Wizard of the Wedgies: An 8th Grader's Sarcasm

There is a wizard in the school -
I'm sure you know -
But as wizards wear robes
She wears makeup, though
I'm sure you know.
Like a wizard, ours is an excellent scribe

and musician

and mathematician

and thinker

and artist

for wizards do that kind of stuff as they please

And I'm sure you know

as she should have said. 

Vanderveen says, too

you know, 

That the wizard stuns him every time

With her spells and clever understanding. 

And a trader like me

with a sword and my wits

Have as much as I have sparkle

None?